Difficult Times


, , ,

It’s not that I haven’t wanted to write about my wonderful little furry fraggles I’ve just been busy. But not busy in the physical sense…busy in the mental & emotional sense…busy in my head. Busy in my chaotic hamster brain. So busy I’m exhausted. Busy keeping it together, busy staying afloat in every day life, busy trying to maintain composure. Just busy, so much overwhelming busy-ness. ….

You see, on Boxing Day my Mum died. One minute she was sending me email messages…and then a couple hours later the phone rang and my sister was telling me that our step dad called to deliver the horrible news.

She wasn’t sick. She wasn’t old. She wasn’t someone who should have died. She was a wonderful, vibrant 62 year old healthy woman on holiday…she was just getting ready to go to the beach. And then she had a massive heart attack and died.

I don’t tell you this for sympathy, just my story. And this is where the story is going to tie into my wonderful little Wheaton… My little fraggle of fur and skittishness and anxiety. While I was in the first few weeks of grieving I was a mess. I simply went from bed to couch and back to bed. Sometimes having the energy and awareness to walk the dogs, sometimes all I could manage was to let them out in the back yard and watch them from the back stoop. The amazing thing was what Wheaton did every night and every morning….

I’d put the dogs on the bed and then I’d crawl under the duvet. Daisy has always snuggled up close and at this time she would take to my pillow and curl around my head. Wheaton would wait until I settled into my sleep position on my side and then he would burrow under the duvet with me, and push himself up against my back. It was quite comforting to feel his little fur body pushing against me….it was like he wanted to make sure I could feel that I wasn’t alone. One particularly difficult evening I went to bed and before rolling to my side I just lay there on my back. Tears rolling from my eyes. Silent sobs. I felt like my heart was broken into a million pieces.  Wheaton moved himself over and then came to lay across my chest. His little chest across mine, his heart aligned with mine, then he stretched himself and put his chin down and sighed. He stayed like that for almost 20 minutes. It was as if he was trying to mend my heart with his. It was very healing. My little furry Reiki Master. My little healer.

He’s done this heart to heart several times over the last 2 months….always when I’m feeling at my most broken. Dogs are amazing creatures aren’t they!?! What a wonderful gift. Daisy & Wheaton are healing my broken heart with unconditional love. And also by forcing me to engage in life. I must walk them. I must make their food. I must play with them. And the more the weather improves and the sun shines the more they feel spring coming and they want longer walks and I need this too. They know.

So yes, this is tragic. This is devastating. This is sad. This is all the shittiest emotional BLECH tossed into a blender and served with a shit sandwich. UGH. I hate this moment in time right now. Hate it so much my words are just a jumble of verbal vomit wrapped in hurt and pain. It sucks.

But, when I can’t handle people, (and I have some great people…thank you to you all) I have these two little fur babies that make me smile, make me walk, make me laugh and make me love. I’m not completely broken.

Blessed Be….

Lil Angel 1




, ,

Wheaton is such a trooper.

You’d never know that he had major dental surgery 3 days ago. He’s been eating, playing and going for walks like nothing changed. I mean really….think of your own mouth if you’ve had your wisdom teeth pulled..cause that’s basically the equivalent to what he had done. Your whole jaw would hurt, you’d be taking T-3’s, probably not eating, plenty of rest…etc. He wanted to eat as soon as we walked in the door Tuesday evening. Nothing gets between Wheatie and his meal time! The next day he was playing with Daisy, ready for walks….everything. Today he was running around, happy as can be playing with his pinky stuffy toy and just being his usual goofy self. 

I haven’t checked in his mouth but I touch his face and jaw several times throughout the day and there is no swelling, he doesn’t seem bothered if I touch around his jaw….tomorrow I will open his mouth and check inside. I wanted to give him a few days before I open his mouth. I have looked in when he yawns and everything looks clean. 

He truly amazes me. He just keeps moving forward. He truly lives in the moment. What a wonderful little creature. 

Back to the Dentist


, ,

Well we did our best for the last year…we chewed, we brushed, we ate a healthy diet but still at his annual check up Wheaton’s teeth were horrible. He had breath that only his momma could love and even then I had a hard time. The vet and I had that discussion again about extraction. More teeth to come out….big ones….the back molars.

Warm up VISA you’re gonna be smokin hot soon enough. I joke, but seriously veterinary dental is a costly event. There isn’t a flat fee. The different services have rates that are charged in 10 minute intervals. There’s a hefty anesthetic fee for administering and monitoring, and then the tooth polishing and the extraction, and IV fluids and medications. And more. And then some. And more.


Hook roots

X-rays showed that his bottom molars have “hooked roots”, pulling those could risk fracturing his bottom jaw. The vet cleaned the bottom molars and pulled the smaller pre-molars on the left side next to the molar…it still had a slight hook and didn’t come out clean…for this reason she did not pull the same pre-molar on the right side.

Even the top molars had hooks that were not visible on the X-rays….this made the extraction difficult but not as dangerous as the bottom molars with their hooks.


See the hooks 

Dental health is a HUGE part of your dog’s well being. And a part that we do not pay enough attention to…until there’s an issue. Trust me….2 dental visits totalling over $3,000 is a big chunk of change, and we haven’t even got to how hard it is on my boy! 
The anesthetic, the pain meds, the antibiotics, and the force needed to pull those big molars out….the pain after while his little mouth heals. It’s a lot. My Wheatie boy is a tough little guy…he’s so resilient. His history is full of pain. He’s lived through much worse. But this is part of why I hate this situation. And that’s my own empathetic impression. I hate the idea of my boy being in pain….I can’t explain to him why this is happening and he can’t tell me if the pain is being managed enough. All I can do is hug him and do Reiki on him and help him through. It hurts me to imagine how much his little mouth must hurt, but he just moves forward. He’s happy when I give him his big bowl of food, he’s happy when I cuddle him close to me, he’s happy to play with Daisy, he’s happy to go for a walk….so even though his mouth must hurt he’s still a pretty happy dude.

I am devoted to my dogs. They are the loves of my life. Their health and happiness is my number one priority. Period.

And now, when he’s snuggled up close to me and he yawns in my face, his breath won’t make me gag.

Happy Gotcha Day

Happy Gotcha Anniversary to my Wheatie boy!! 

My Wheaton is a goofball. He makes me laugh every day. 

My Wheaton is a sweetie. He fills my heart with love every day.

My Wheaton is a bit of a jerk (with love)!  He barks at other dogs every day.

My Wheaton is a Momma’s Boy. He wants to be snuggled every day (now).

My Wheaton is a challenge. He tests my consistency every day….I fail. 

My Wheaton is a million other things. 

My Wheaton is the love of my life (one of 3 cause Daisy and Chicken are in there too). 

Three years ago he came for a test visit….and three years ago he stole my heart. 

I didn’t rescue him. He just belonged here and had a long hard road to travel before he got here. 

Sweet Boy


, , ,

We’re coming up to our three year anniversary. To say my boy has become cuddly is an understatement….dude is a snuggle monster. He now needs to sleep under the covers up against me. When we sit on the couch he crawls over to me and wiggles his way in for snuggles. He asks to be cuddled….he puts his paw on me and paws at me until I stop what I’m doing and pick him up for loves.

Three years ago this little boy was in a filthy puppy mill cage. He was a mess. He was neglected, abused, used, forgotten and never ever loved. Never cuddled. Never held.

I don’t dwell on that…that’s his past. But I remind people of his story so that one day we can bring an end to the puppy mill industry. I tell his story because people just can’t believe that this was a reality!  And yes, this is still a reality for so many dogs.

Wheatie got his happily ever after. It’s my mission to make sure he has a happy life every single day!! That when he asks for loves, I put down whatever I’m doing and I give him the loves. When he snuggles up to me and rests his head on me I look at him, I caress his little face and I tell him “momma loves you baby boy”. When he gets past a “trigger” and doesn’t freak out I make sure there’s a treat in my pocket to reward his progress. I kiss him all the time even though that still makes him a little tense…he tolerates the kisses!

My boy is one of a kind. He’s such a special little fraggle. Three years ago I took a chance and asked to see this terrified mess of a dog.

He was meant to be my baby boy.

Gawd I love this face……

Sick and Blah


, , ,

It’s been a rough couple of weeks. October has had its ups and downs….some challenges, some successes and some heartache. This has brought about a change in Wheaton. He’s healing me. 

My aloof skittish rescue has turned into a very empathetic energy healer. Every night he noses himself under the duvet and curls up beside me. He presses his back up against mine….he pushes until he’s as close and as tight against me as he can be…..and he stays that way all night. In the morning when I wake up he turns and stretches out along side of me and rest his head on my chest. His chin/throat on my heart. He sighs. His big brown eyes look at me and then he closes them and we lay like that for another 15 minutes. 

He’s healing me with his love. He has known hurt and I healed him with my love….now he’s showing me the same. 

We’re getting close to our 3 year anniversary. My Wheatie boy is a gift. I am blessed to have this little fraggle in my life. 

Another Camping Season Ends…


, , , , ,

It’s so sad when camping season ends. Our seasonal site out at Hecla closed up mid Septemeber but I had one more weekend booked out at Kiche Manitou. This was the lastest in the year that I’ve ever booked….thanksgiving weekend. Of course here in the middle of the Prairies you take the risk that thanksgiving weekend could bring snow…..it will most definitely bring nights that drop to zero or below zero.

We were extremely lucky, all the rain that was forecasted totally missed us! The days were gorgeous. We had temps in the low to mid teens and sunshine to brighten our days! We started every morning with hours of hiking. Long walks through the prairie desert, wandering trails through the forest, exploring gravel roads, it was perfect.

Then we would come back to the site, get the fire roaring and toasty and then curl up on the lounge chair with books and tea and a big cozy wool blanket and spend the rest of the day chillin.

The nights were chilly but that’s where a kick ass cozy sleeping bag is your most valuable piece of camping equipment! We all got under that and stayed toasty!


The other great thing about fall camping is….no bugs!

We took a chance with a late fall camp, in a canvas walled tent trailer with no heat source, and we got super lucky!

One of our best camping trips.

Can’t wait till next season!

Until then we will make the most of the next few months…just 7 months to go…..

Making the Most


, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Look at this guy….he’s pretty pumped about getting going.

Let’s go Momma…..


I said….Let’s GO!

On Thursdays after work we’re pretty anxious to GTFO (get the f**k out) of town. Our Hecla time is ending soon. I have done my best to make the most of this camping season….having a seasonal site has been awesome. We have one more weekend left and so far the weather network is saying rain rain rain…I hope that changes by the time Wednesday night rolls around.

It’s perfect. Every weekend that we’re there, weather permitting, I get us up and we take a nice long hike/walk, this past weekend was gorgeous…and we started every morning with an hour  & 1/2 to 2 hour long hike walk. It may be the same few hiking trails and the same shoreline but it never gets old. Always new smells for the fur littles to investigate, and new rocks for me to hunt for along the shore. It makes us all happy!

I know the dogs love these little ventures. They run, they dig, they chew sticks, they chase each other….you know…dog stuff! Stuff they need to do but don’t get from a regular walk around the block or even through the park. I mean look at this little face…..

He loves the play, the freedom. He’s having so much fun. I swear he’s smiling!

I love when he’s just able to be a dog. No issues. No scars. No past.

Just a dog having all the fun! It makes my heart happy! ❤️

Back on Track…Maybe Sort of?


, , , , ,

In the last 18 months I have gained 40 pounds. I’m not proud of that, and I stopped being angry about it, it is what it is. You see the funny thing about battling depression is that it makes you not care about stuff that you really should care about….like your health and well being. There have been many days where the ONLY thing I care about are my dogs.

And that’s what made me smarten up in the last month…because I noticed that Wheaton was looking (and feeling) heavier. Apparently my health can go to shit and I can eat crap and pack on fat like a bear preparing for hibernation….but I cannot, and will not, let my dogs’ health and fitness decline because of the neglect to my own health.
So. No more chips. No more fast food 3 (5) times a week. No more bread/toast as a meal. No more ooey gooey cheese on…well everything. No more chocolate bar as an evening snack (or two). No more crap. We need to step up our walk routine again. We use to do 3 walks a day, at a minimum of 20 minutes per walk. Now it’s “ok, you peed, let’s just go home”.

It’s hard. I’m exhausted by life most of the time. What I was putting into my body as “fuel” has a lot to do with feeding that exhaustion. Of course I know better. Duh. I’m not new to this concept. I do it like a life cycle every year or two. But this time, this time was the worst. The highest weight I’ve ever been, and absolutely the worst I’ve ever felt physically. The deepest rut I’ve ever been in.

So. Deep. So. Dark. Man, it sucks.

Oh yeah, I live with anxiety too. So while I’m dealing with the depression and I don’t want to function in the outside world, I’m also dealing with the anxiety about NOT functioning…but the outside world makes me more anxious.

How’s that for a kick in the face? Like a snake enjoying a great meal, of its own tail.

The idea though that I was suddenly putting my dog in an unhealthy lifestyle really upset me. Me, eh, whatever; fat, sore, depressed, anxious, exhausted…actually having chest pains and not being able to walk a flight of stairs….meh…. But my dog puts on weight and gets even close to borderline edge of being too heavy for his actual size….HOLD ON! STOP! Smarten up!!!!

Whatever it takes right. Whatever puts you back on track. Something was necessary to kick my own ass back on track and the deterioration of my health wasn’t enough this time….but my dog was. It’s not even that Wheaton is fat, he’s not. His silhouette still follows the rib cage and curves in before the hips…just like it’s suppose to but he has filled out more and I don’t want it to get to the point where he is too heavy. So I need to make changes to myself now to make sure he stays fit.
The problem is I have to get myself back to the level where I can do more to help him. It’s been a tough month trying to break these bad habits. I’m still exhausted even with fueling my body better. The depression doesn’t go away. The anxiety doesn’t go away. Although they do subside once my body gets use to the healthier diet and lifestyle again. My hormones have always been messed up and things don’t function right, my pituitary glad has never sent the right signals out to the rest of my body in 44 years. My metabolism’s spirit animal is the sloth. My body really likes to store fat, it doesn’t let go of it easily. It’s going to be strict discipline and hard work. It’s going to be a fight against what I really feel like doing….I really just want to crawl into a cozy blanket on the couch and shut out everything. I want to “hermit” away. And the fur babies will just as gladly curl up on the couch with me…they love a cuddle more than a walk. Well, Wheaton probably enjoys the walks more I guess…but he does whatever Daisy does….and she definitely would choose a cuddle over anything else!!
I do however pride myself in giving my dogs the best in life and the idea that I am dropping the ball for them, well, that’s just a low I don’t want to be at, ever.
By doing better for my dogs, I will actually do better for my SELF.
I can live with that.



Things and Stuff…


, , ,

Wow. It’s been a month since my last post about Wheaton’s injured toe, which is all better and the toenail is growing in again!

img_7588We’ve pretty much managed to get out to the camper every weekend except 2…..one was the weekend my sister could have gone into labour, and the other was just after she really did go into labour! I’m a full on auntie now!

And now back to camping.

imageThe dogs and I are LOVING the seasonal camping experience…except when the noisy neighbours don’t obey the “quiet hours between 11pm & 9am”. It’s so nice to know that the camper is there waiting for us every weekend. Work has been really stressful for the last while and the only thing saving my mental health is getting out to the camper. I relax, I sleep, we go for long walks/hikes, I read my book, I colour, I suntan and the dogs even convince me to nap….for fun…not that falling asleep on the couch from pure exhaustion at 8pm stuff that happens during the week.

This morning we went for a 2 hour hike/walk. It was early and there’s not much going on around here on a Friday morning so the dogs were off leash. Their mileage for the hike was probably double because of all the back and forth running they did! Each time we came to a clearing where there was some grass they just went wild chasing each other around! They have so much fun it makes me laugh to watch them! They look like they’re smiling when they run around like that. We were all tired, hungry and thirsty by the time we got back to the camper. It was the perfect way to start the morning. If it’s not raining tomorrow morning there’s a trail I want to do that we’ve never done, but we’ll have to drive there. For that one we’ll take some bells with us cause there’s bound to be wildlife and it’s better if they can hear us coming!

So yes, life has been busy…and fairly overwhelming….and because of that I have a tremendous amount of gratitude for this little camper set up. It doesn’t look like much but it is our oasis. It is the one true place where I am happy….and being happy is something to strive for because the happier I am, the happier my dogs will be!

And it really is all about the dogs!