It’s not that I haven’t wanted to write about my wonderful little furry fraggles I’ve just been busy. But not busy in the physical sense…busy in the mental & emotional sense…busy in my head. Busy in my chaotic hamster brain. So busy I’m exhausted. Busy keeping it together, busy staying afloat in every day life, busy trying to maintain composure. Just busy, so much overwhelming busy-ness. ….
You see, on Boxing Day my Mum died. One minute she was sending me email messages…and then a couple hours later the phone rang and my sister was telling me that our step dad called to deliver the horrible news.
She wasn’t sick. She wasn’t old. She wasn’t someone who should have died. She was a wonderful, vibrant 62 year old healthy woman on holiday…she was just getting ready to go to the beach. And then she had a massive heart attack and died.
I don’t tell you this for sympathy, just my story. And this is where the story is going to tie into my wonderful little Wheaton… My little fraggle of fur and skittishness and anxiety. While I was in the first few weeks of grieving I was a mess. I simply went from bed to couch and back to bed. Sometimes having the energy and awareness to walk the dogs, sometimes all I could manage was to let them out in the back yard and watch them from the back stoop. The amazing thing was what Wheaton did every night and every morning….
I’d put the dogs on the bed and then I’d crawl under the duvet. Daisy has always snuggled up close and at this time she would take to my pillow and curl around my head. Wheaton would wait until I settled into my sleep position on my side and then he would burrow under the duvet with me, and push himself up against my back. It was quite comforting to feel his little fur body pushing against me….it was like he wanted to make sure I could feel that I wasn’t alone. One particularly difficult evening I went to bed and before rolling to my side I just lay there on my back. Tears rolling from my eyes. Silent sobs. I felt like my heart was broken into a million pieces. Wheaton moved himself over and then came to lay across my chest. His little chest across mine, his heart aligned with mine, then he stretched himself and put his chin down and sighed. He stayed like that for almost 20 minutes. It was as if he was trying to mend my heart with his. It was very healing. My little furry Reiki Master. My little healer.
He’s done this heart to heart several times over the last 2 months….always when I’m feeling at my most broken. Dogs are amazing creatures aren’t they!?! What a wonderful gift. Daisy & Wheaton are healing my broken heart with unconditional love. And also by forcing me to engage in life. I must walk them. I must make their food. I must play with them. And the more the weather improves and the sun shines the more they feel spring coming and they want longer walks and I need this too. They know.
So yes, this is tragic. This is devastating. This is sad. This is all the shittiest emotional BLECH tossed into a blender and served with a shit sandwich. UGH. I hate this moment in time right now. Hate it so much my words are just a jumble of verbal vomit wrapped in hurt and pain. It sucks.
But, when I can’t handle people, (and I have some great people…thank you to you all) I have these two little fur babies that make me smile, make me walk, make me laugh and make me love. I’m not completely broken.