I haven’t been blogging because we haven’t really been doing much. I’m finding it exhausting being at work and maintaining normalcy for the work day. Grief is exhausting…it sucks all your energy. You don’t realize how much mental energy it takes to hold your shit together until you finally get home and let go, let it out, and just BE.
On this healing journey I have many friends and family members checking on me and supporting me, emails, texts, phone calls, social media posts, etc, which I am super grateful for, couldn’t do this without them. Thank you. But, in the wee hours and the other alone times, when it’s just me, nothing, NOTHING, is as comforting as the constant devotion from my dogs. They are my lifeline. Available for cuddles 24/7. Wheaton is still pushing himself up against me at night in bed. Daisy won’t start her day without her Momma Snuggles. I am blessed.
The grief is not constant now…it has moved and changed. It’s bold and random and all of a sudden just in your face at the most obscure moments….like just when you think you’ve got a handle on it and you’re in control of it…it slaps you in the face. It’s when you’re in the grocery store, or standing in line at the post office, or in the car on your way out somewhere and you’re of course wearing eye makeup which is now running down your face, or while enjoying a walk through the park with your dogs….or my current favourite inopportune moment; when a coworker or my boss comes to my office to ask me about something and I’m in the middle of a “moment”. It was easier (?easier, ha?) months ago when it was fresh and everyone else was in the moment and tears were just a normal occurrence, and understood, and no explanation was needed…now everyone has moved on so the coworkers don’t always get why I’m at my desk, or at the photocopier, crying.
Oh well, it is what it is and I will sit with this and heal in my own damn time.
Let’s move on to some stuff to look forward to shall we…
We had our seasonal camping lottery draw and I got a pick position…29th pick out of 35 spots. I was shitting bricks that someone would pick “my spot” but my pick came up and our favourite spot from last year was still available! So, we are back in our corner spot with the path to the lake…now just patiently waiting for May Long weekend to start off the season!
Something that also brings me joy….this role as Auntie Jenn! I’m so fortunate…I have two lovely nephews. My bestie Michael and his husband have their little guy Conor and I’m proud (surrogate) Auntie Jenn. The boys also got a seasonal spot for camping this year so this will be Conor’s second camping season! He’s much bigger now, and mobile, he will be a riot!! He’s so smart and inquisitive! He sits back and studies everything before he pursues it. His mental wheels are always turning. I can’t wait to see how Summer goes with my little buddy!
And then there is my Sister’s little one…Elliot. Auntie’s little Nugget! Remember that tiny little bundle I showed you in July…he’s now 8 months and I’m so proud of him, so big and so smart and curious! He’s pretty much standing on his own and trying out the walk! He’s already got the belly scooch mastered! Pretty sure he’s going to bypass crawling and go straight to run! You can see him problem solving everything…how do I work this toy, this puzzle, etc. If he can get his hands on it he will figure it out! This summer is going to be so much fun as he starts being fully mobile and investigating everything!! He’s my absolute joy! If I could quit my job and just be full time Auntie I would be in my glory!!
Yes, having my dogs and these two little fellas in my life makes me feel pretty darn lucky, especially when the world is ugly and throwing sad tragic news in your face every day. It can be difficult to look on the bright side or see the silver (tarnished as it is) lining.
Back to dogs and healing. A friend sent me a message saying “Hug your fur babies, it’s good for you.” with a link to an article about the healing gift that dogs have. You see there was a terrible tragic accident recently on a Saskatchewan highway, and even if you weren’t from the community, or even from Saskatchewan, as far as being Canadian goes, we’re all family somehow. A passenger bus carrying the Humboldt Broncos, a Saskatchewan Junior Hockey League team, collided with a semi-trailer. Tragically, 15 members of the team died and many more were injured. A whole community devastated in one quick flash. Families left shattered with the sudden loss of their loved ones. The story in the link below shows how a therapy group came in and brought their dogs to help the families and the community deal with their grief and pain.
How therapy dogs were silent healers in Humboldt https://globalnews.ca/news/4136899/therapy-dogs-humboldt-bus-crash/?utm_source=GlobalWinnipeg&utm_medium=Facebook
I’m no expert, but in my opinion, dogs really are the best healers. We all have a story. We all feel grief and pain at some point.
We’re all on a journey. That journey is always made better with a furry companion.
Take care of you.
In love and in kindness,
Jenn, Wheaton & Daisy